Monday, August 1, 2011

In Commando of the Situation...

My day began with a bag of smiley balls...

... and ended with a commando walk out of the office.

The Situation

My day started with an anonymous "Good Turn" by placing a ball and tag (photo above) at each of my co-workers seats. (Ok, it's not anonymous if you are one of the 2 people reading this blog... but I think my secret is safe.) Anyway. I got into work at 5:30 so that I could print the warnings and place the balls (giggle) before anyone got to work.

By 6:00 am I was on a roll getting tons of work done.  It's amazing how much work can be accomplished before anyone else arrives to work.

I KNOW, where is the COMMANDO?  I'm getting there.

Today I was wearing a dress (which is rare) and black, absorbent as it turns out, shoes. I was also very excited about my office rug that arrived (photo tomorrow).  Just setting the scene.

I had a visitor after lunch.  Duc is soooo charming.  And sweet. And quiet. And I adore him.  He stops by occasionally when he needs a break from the programmers bull pen, like, once a month. Twice if I'm lucky.  I am always so glad to see him.

I don't know if he will EVER return for a visit again. -- Before I continue, you should know I had just gotten back from a delicious mediteration lunch and my stomach was full and satisfied.

We were chatting, first about my new rug, then about his car accident, naturally flowing into his destination during the car accident - a Vietnamese Supermarket. Which led further conversation to other markets.  I've been to an authentic Mexican market and have often gone to Indian markets. He joked that sometimes he questions how they qualify for the city inspection certificates.  We both laughed... and you just have to go to one to understand.

This led to my tales of lunch with Faisal and  Jim back in the good ol days when I got to eat Pakistan/Indian at least once or twice a week.  We had our dives (and I mean complete dives) that we would go to.  The people were so wonderful and nice and food was fantastic.  So you overlook a few things. And they all loved Faisal and Jim and were very nice to the Caucasian girl who poorly pronounced her order.

I decided to tell Duc the story of one of my lunches... It should be noted that my gag reflex is now immune to this story because I have repeated it so many times.

The story - Faisal, Jim, and I were at one of our favorite dives.  It was the most "restauranty" of all the dives.  The food was delicious and cheap. I was sitting next to a wall.  As I was eating a 2 inch cockroach starts walking up the wall. Jim and Faisal, continuing to eat, claiming that "all restaurants have roaches." This would not change my mind "those restaurants have the decency to keep the roaches out of the dining room!"

Hahahah... Duc and I laughed at the story.

He had a similar experience. The one and only time he went to Hooters, against his will, because all his co-workers said the wings were the best ever. Duc is not the kind of guy that would go to a place call "Hooters".  One of his co-works decided not to go for the wings and ordered a salad instead.
As the salad-ordering-co-worker was about to take his first bite a roach crawled from under the lettuce leaves of the salad. 

This was the first of my hyper-sensitive GAG reflexes.

Duc continued the story, not realising how sensitive by Gag reflex is.

I then had three rapidly consecutive, but controlled Gag reflexes.  Ending in a fourth uncontrolled Gag reflex that produced... lunch.

I make it to my trash can, kinda, but the flood gates had opened. In between bouts I told Duc he best leave.  Another wave... this one with the distinct need to urinate.

A mad dash down the hall.  Made it just inside the ladies room when I completely lost it.  Fortunately they keep a lined trash basket right inside the door so I was able to empty the contents of my stomach... and unfortunately the contents of my bladder.

By lucky chance I was wearing (very rare occurrence) a dress. So my blatter was able to empty itself in an orderly fashion right to my shoes. My very absorbent shoes.

Feeling better... or at least confident that the vomiting was over. I squished to the sink to rinse my mouth and assess the vomit damage.  Nope.  This dress was not salvageable without a good visit to the cleaners. After cleaning as best I could I squished to the stall to asses the urine damage. Nope, the panties were not salvageable with out several runs through the washing machine. Not even at an acceptable  level to wear getting home.  I dried off my legs and confirmed that my left shoe was also not salvageable... but was the hero of the situation by collecting all the urine.

Leaving the ladies room COMMANDO (per this situation I use "ladies" loosely) I went back to my office to assess the situation. Damn, my brand new carpet.  Yes just a bit, but still, this is not the christening I was expecting. A spilled coffee or soda,  maybe some less damaging water... but vomit?  Cleaned the small mess with my every trusty Clorox wipes.  Sealed the garbage bag, as I had done in the restroom and went to let my boss know I would be leaving immediately.

"Why?" was the first thing Peter asked. 
"Because I have just vomited and peed all over myself." 
"that was too much information"
"You asked. What exactly did you want me to say"
"Personal girl problems"

Then I proudly walked commando out of the office.  With a short detour to Karen's cube to share, what I have come to see as a highly entertaining situation.

At the beginning of the day my theory was that smiles are contagious.  By the end of the day, based on Peter and Karen's reactions, I've added to my theory that Gagging is also contagious.


  1. Life is so much more interesting on your side of the building. I miss all the good stuff!

  2. Wondered where the ball came from...pretty cute. The rest of it...yeah...tmi.

  3. OMG!!! Am so mad you're just NOW sharing this with me ... this would have helped my "Giggle" ball turn into a "LMFAO" ball easily!