Monday, April 18, 2011

Dear Diary,

My day in 5 parts.

Part 1
Alarm Clocks

I have a problem with alarms.  Well, and the clocks.  I can not seem to wake up.  I've gone through 3 alarm clocks in the last 6 months. Currently I am using my daughter's phone, which has 5 programmable times... I use all of them. And on days I have a really important meeting, I make hubby call me.

Two days a week this drives my husband nuts.  The two days he gets to sleep past 3:00 am and he's got my 5 alarms going off.

Him "Just get up when the alarm goes off!"
Me "I don't hear the alarm!"
Him "Yes you do!"

Today was one of his days off.  I tried.  I really really did.

Here is the worst part.  That bastard is sooooo thoughtful when he gets up at 3:00 in the morning.  I NEVER HEAR HIM.  He waits until he gets into the bathroom before turning on the light.  He turns off the light before leaving the bathroom. He quietly slips out of the bedroom AND fixes the girls lunches before he leaves. Sometimes I hate him for being so "morning routine" perfect.

note: the term bastard is used affectionately (this time.)

Part 2

I drive 2 hours each day.  Audio books are good.  I downloaded some David Sedaris audio books recently.  I thought I had read/listened to all of his books and I would just be re-listening for enjoyment.

Stop. The. Press. Apparently I have NOT read/heard Dress Your Family In Corduroy and Denim. It's like finding out that there really IS a santa.

David is, well, THE funniest man on the planet.  He can make me laugh so hard I'll wet my pants while going 60 miles per hour down HW 114 and just open the windows to let the pee air dry. I like to pretend David is in the car with me.  That he is talking just to me.  That we are close. That sometimes he pulls out the little notebook he keeps in his breast pocket to write a little funny moment about me and my life. Fodder for his next best selling book.  Or maybe, just for a quick story on NPR. I feel his gay presence so deeply that I may as well be driving in the HOV lane.

Plus, if DAVID were sharing my most awkward moments in his witty, funny, clever, amusing way... well then, they would be SO WORTH IT!

Part 3

I work in production.
I work with men.
I work with men in production.

Really, this should be enough said... but it gets better.


That's right folks. Today we combined indoor electricity and water.  Not just a cup or bottle of water... but a bucket of water... that had to be thrown... at a person... sitting in the middle of all the lights.

I am so mad at myself that I did not bring Honey's flipcam to work today.  I would have just done a time lapse and added some circus music.

I kid... kind of.

Everything worked out great.  The magazine will have a great online video.  The men were adorable, and really, indispensable... and they unintentionally entertained me.  The unintentional entertainment is usually the best kind (probably because I'm a little evil.)

Part 4
Home Coming

My handsome boy always greets me so happily at the door at the end of each day.  Usually I am ignored by everyone else.

I started mentioning to Spartacus that I was "soooo happy someone loved me enough to greet me at the door"... Best passive/aggressive statement I've ever uttered.

There is now a four-way race to greet me every day.  Caitlin is usually fastest, shouting "I love her most!"  Really, I like to encourage this kind of competition.

Spartacus also wanted to show me his homework, it was a treasure hunt:

Part 5
Amazing Race

Ummmm.... I. Love. Amazing. Race. Hubby and I were finally able to watch it tonight. Wish I had a transcript of yesterday's show because it was f to the u to the n to the n to the y.

Vixen and Kent... have to go. Although, their continued emotional deterioration is highly amusing... and FINALLY Vixen told Kent to stop acting like a girl... it's tearing me up.  Okay, I want them to stay but only for amusement.

LaKisha and Jennifer... I wish them no ill. They generally fly under the emotional/drama radar. Totally works to their advantage.  But not as amusing for me.

Zev and Justin... I was surprised by my joy at their 1st place ranking this episode.  I think I was happy because they were so surprised and happy... and Phil was so adorable when they told them.  Phil can really color my response.

Flight Time and Big Easy... how can one not like them?  They're like great big lumbering giants with great senses of humor.  Must be in the finale!

Gary and Mallory... I HATE to admit it, but this beauty queen bumpkin has won me over.  I am a fan.  I feel bad that they were lead astray with the eating detour... but really, why did any of the teams attempt this? Also would like to see them in the finale.

Jet and Cord... My Cowboys... My all time favorite team.  "Did my heart love till now?" Oh Shakespeare, I think not.  My cowboys must WIN.  Must must must.

To recap: Cowboys (WIN); Beauty Queen (finale); Globe T's (finale)


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