Size Matters

Siobain brought home a permission slip to watch Super Size Me at school tomorrow. I think this is really great.  She is a healthy size and I want her to stay that way forever. So I love that nutrition, healthy eating and exercise is something they are discussing at school.

I've set a very bad example for her.  To say I have an unhealthy relationship with food is an extreme understatement.  Food eases my anxiety and fear and yet fuels it with weight gain, which causes anxiety... an evil cycle.

I've yo-yo-ed to extremes, and in dangerous ways that I won't go into here, and I can't seem to strike the healthy balance that I want my girlies to have... and that I hope to have for myself.

It is an extra weight on my shoulders every moment of every day.  If that "weight" could be weighed I think it would match me pound for actual pound. I've an invisible scarlet letter on my chest and it is "O"... the letter of the heaviest word I know. But it's not really invisible... because everyone sees it.  It is a fact that I can ignore but not hide from.

"Just start!"
"Baby steps!
"One day at a time!"
"One decision at a time!"

Yes, to all of those. I believe them. Want to act on them. Will NOT eat after the anxiety of publishing this post. My baby step.

Because size does matter.