Q (A to Z)

"What am I going to do for Q?"

"Q? I bet I could find a Vocaloid song that begins with Q, and you can rant about how much you hate it," my oldest girlie offers.

Smarty pants!

For your listening pleasure, Qualia...

Actually... this ones not bad.

A grin for my admission.

Independent (A to Z)

My baby is becoming so independent.  She's respectful and smart and kind... and becoming her own person. With her own tastes in music and literature and...

Sigh.  I'm so proud of my girlie.  She has more confidence at 13 than I have at 38. 

"Because I'm the mom."

"Because I said so."

How often have I heard those lines in teen-movies, where the overbearing mom just doesn't "get" it? And now I'm THAT person? 

She's right. I don't "get" anime.  Plus, I have a real concern about the fact that the genre can go from "PG" innocence to "R" violence and sex on the same bookshelf. 

And it has a language of it's own.  Last night she said "sld skfj;ldkf slkfj;ls dlkfldka woefin" and laughed. Sharing a joke with me... that I did not understand one word of.

I look to hubby for help. "What did she just say?"

Hubby took her to the anime convention last weekend.  (Lot's of drama leading up to that as I was completely opposed to the trip.) Anyway... apparently she wore her halloween costume to the event...

Honey, "Russia", Honey's Friend

Apparently "Russia" is a character and you can take pictures with them just like at disneyland... why doesn't it feel the same?

(This stuffed animal creeps me out.)

So, I've decided that I have to dive in with both feet.  Although I've done research on certain anime/manga series, looked up rating systems and had hubby read the books... I have not tried enough to participate in her interest because it is something I am so uninterested in, I've only gone far enough to make sure she's safe. New beginning, I'm going to pick up a graphic novel, listen to her music (this is true love), and try to relate.

Then, when I say "no" it won't be followed by "because I said so"... I'll be able to discuss issues instead of dictating.

Although I reserve the right to dictate... she's not that independent yet!

Family Circus

This morning was more 3-ringed than usual. I'll just go ahead and admit that Caitlin did not get to school on time... and then there was an email from her teacher, to all the parents (but we know it was meant for me), about "tardies"... awkward!

1st Act: The Girl in the Locked Box

In the center ring this morning was Caitlin (surprise, surprise.) I was putting my dress in the dryer, because that's how I iron, when I heard screaming and banging coming from the general direction of the bathroom. Then the sound of the dryer muffled the screams and it was easy to ignore.

But when I needed to get into the bathroom myself the screaming needed to be addressed. The girls aren't allowed to lock the bathroom door because the last time they did they accidentally shut the door behind them with no one on the inside to UNlock the door... and I had to remove the door knob... during a slumber party.

Anyway, they are not allowed to lock the door... but Caitlin has figured out how to block the door from opening with the drawer:

Very effective!

Fortunately "open the damn door" is a magic phrase.

2nd Act: Amazing Toothpaste

Caitlin hates brushing her teeth. I suspect her "locked" door maneuver is a ruse to give the impression that she has brushed her teeth while alone.  Her back-up ruse is to rinse all the toothpaste off the brush before putting it into her mouth... this doesn't work so well when I'm standing there brushing my teeth too.

We had a stare-off in the mirror. She knew she couldn't stop brushing before I did... so I brushed for an extra long time :) I'm evil that way.

Somehow we (the unidentifiable we) manage to get toothpaste everywhere... everyday.  How did we get it on the toilet? Or on the upper right hand side of the mirror? Seems to be everywhere except in the tube and on the brush.

This morning there was a huge smear of toothpaste on the back of the hairbrush. Yuck, with some of Siobain's hair already stuck to it.  Have I mentioned that I have hair issues? I rinsed the brush off... and then decided to clean the hair out of the bristles.

Bad move. I didn't dry my hands first so the ball of human hair kept clinging to my hands. This would usually make me barf, but I didn't.

Instead I decided we better leave the house before anything else happens...

3rd Act: The Strongest Girl in the World

"Where's my lunch?" Caitlin asks from the middle of the living room. She loves to park herself in the middle of the living room.

After determining that Daddy didn't make lunch for Caitlin I told her she could just buy lunch today.

"I only like to buy on Tuesdays and Friday" Caitlin states from the middle of the room.

"What are they having today?" I ask, standing in the open front door.

"I don't know" Caitlin states, firmly rooted to the center of the living room floor.

"Maybe you'll like it. We GOTS TO GO!" I said sternly, gesturing out the door.

Blank stare from Caitlin... and this is why the middle of the room is Caitlin's favorite spot... she knows I"m not going to pick her up or drag her by her hair or yank her by the feet, no matter how much I REALLY REALLY WANT TO. All she has to do is root herself and not budge.

I gave up. She's gonna be late. We fixed her lunch and finally headed for the car.

4th Act: Clown Car

"Since you are already late, I'm going to drop Siobain off first because her school is on the way" I say, standing at the front door (again.)

"Daddy said we aren't allowed to let you do that anymore." Siobain says breezily as she walks past me.

"I AM THE MOMMY AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT!" I screamed so all the neighbors are sure to hear this declaration... Unfortunately I was a bit worried that Siobain would refuse to get out of the car if I tried to drop her off first... so to Caitlin's school I drove.

(Back story)
Okay, yesterday I freaked out a little during drop-off and called the school to ask them what the ha-shizzle the new drop off routine is.  Here's a sketch:

Lane 1 is the drop off lane.  Lane 4 is the "park, pick-your-nose, apply make-up, do whatever" lane.  Lane 2 and 3 are confusing.

People have been using lane 3 as a drop-off lane lately... because it kinda looks like one now that the school added all those safety cones in lane 2. So I started using it but got SERIOUS ATTITUDE from the crazy lady with the "stop" sign. When I spoke to the office yesterday they said "those people (which would include me) are WRONG and we have been sending notes home trying to get them to stop." A-w-k-w-a-r-d.. basically, if I'd paid attention to some of that paperwork sent home in the folders then I would know what the ha-shizzle is going on.

(Back from the back story)

Are you still with me? As we are approaching Caitlin's school the voice* in my head starts talking to me...

"You're a bad Mom who doesn't read the paperwork sent home!"

"You've been doing drop-off all wrong!"

"ALL the other moms have seen your car in the wrong lane!"

"They think you think you are better than them!"

I had to silence the voice, ASAP. I started making a very loud humming noise... my version of "lalalalalala I can't hear you!"

This worked! I calmed down... but then the girlies started humming with me.

We were a car of crazies!

And THAT happened before 8:15 am.

*We all have that voice in our head. This was not a "crazy" voice... although my response may have been questionable. :)

From Math to the Bass...

I completely crashed into a nap this morning-ish... 11:30am.  I had forgotten to take my meds last night and didn't want to skip a dose.  But I take them at night for a reason, one of them puts me to zzzzz....

"Siobain, please wake me up at 1:00pm."

Sometime before 1:00pm... but after I've gotten into REM...

"Mommy, mommy, mommy"

"Yes, yes, yes" my response to make the noise go away.

"Mommy, I need help with math. What would be the probability of pulling a black checker after pulling two red checkers, assuming 12 red checkers and 12 black checkers are in the bag?"... I have opened an eye to confirm this is my oldest child torturing me.

"Say that again" I request, trying to pull some brain cells together and slap them awake.

"What is the probability of pulling a black," I interrupted her with "Are we allowed to use a calculator?"

"No. I already know that it is not 11/23 because I got it wrong and," I interrupt her again...

"11/23? Wait, what are we talking about? How could you have gotten 11/23?" I'm sooo confused.

"It's not 11/23, that's the wrong answer so I don't know how I got that." Siobain is completely defeated and realizing that she is much smarter than her mommy...

The most I can think or say at this stage of a nap is "yes" or "no"... the answer not depending on the question but on whatever will let me keep sleeping. That's why this is when the girls ask for sodas or chips... because I'll say yes and have no recollection... So why would anyone attack me with MATH in this state?

Have I mentioned that I loath 7th grade? I don't remember it making my head hurt this much when I was in it.

Sooo... after math torture with Siobain I went and had broadway fun with Caitlin and Eleanor (somehow that divie doesn't seem fair to Siobain.)

Finally time to cash-in Eleanor's birthday present! Junie B. Jones at The Bass, 3 tickets for me and my middle girlies. As always... there was drama and delays... but we finally made it to our seats.

Bass Hall was filled to the rafters with little girls under the age of 10, moms over the age of 25, grandmas over the age of 50, and a sprinkling of really scared looking men :).

Great show. Okay that being said... I watched my girlie as she realized that "this" was not as good as the book.  So funny to see the horror (that I have felt many times) as you see your favorite story being reinterpreted on stage (or in a movie).  Poor thing, she kept leaning over to say "that did not happen" or "she never did that" or "this part isn't right"...

I think Eleanor was able to enjoy the show much more as she is just being introduced to the Junie B. Jones series.

I was able to enjoy the show... except for one teensy-weensy-itty-bitty production complaint... if the main character's mic is giving major feedback AND rustling against clothing AND crackling, consider fixing it. Even if the lights have to go dark for a couple of minutes or if you actually say "please hold for tech"... it'd be worth the wait.

We made a stop at the bookstore... to feed the Junie B. Jones machine and then we also picked up some cake pops to "mini" celebrate Eleanor's birthday again.

If I had to choose which part of the day to experience again... I would totally NOT choose 7th grade math. ;)

Suck It UP!

The "sick" has gotten to my spirit a little.  What sick? You've got a freaking infected sinus infection! SUCK IT UP!

I'm a little depressed about a work situation.  Work? You've got a great JOB that you love and that pays all your bills and leaves you a little something extra! SUCK IT UP!

I didn't get to see Vera this week. Therapy? You get to go to therapy every WEEK, one of the perks of having insurance! SUCK IT UP!

Hubby is gone for the weekend. Gone? You get a hubby break? Boo-hoo! SUCK IT UP!

I have to pick the girls up from school. School! They are getting a great education, for FREE! SUCK IT UP!

Okay, I'm gonna give myself a little bit of a break on the school-pick-up thing because it is scary. Plus I thought that "publicly" yelling at myself would help me get out of the funk... but now I'm just embarrassed, as I should be.

Late Night Movie

I feel a little guilty.  Gorgeous looked so tired last night... but all the girlies had been promised a sleep over so we dumped them on her.  The good news is that none of the girlies like to disappoint Gorgeous so they are really good when with her... the bad news is that they are 3, 6, 9, and 12... that's a lot of energy even if it's all well-behaved energy.

Sooo... my guilt was soon forgotten as we headed to a late night movie. We never get to do that, like never ever.  Mission Impossible at 9:45, score!

It was way busier than I expected, don't these people know it's bed time?  We found seats but I made hubby anxious with my fidgety-ness.  Crowded theater, new space, people.... and then a lady sat right in front of me.

Her pony tail, which was very impressive, flowed way over her seat and into my personal space.  It was alive and kept trying to touch me.  I have an aversion to hair, even my girlies' hair.

Then the smell hit me.  What is that? I was overwhelmed by the scent of smoke.  Hubby couldn't smell it.  I couldn't NOT smell it.  After asking him, "do you smell it yet?" every 15 seconds he finally said that the only thing he could smell was a very strong perfume. It was HER. I know it was.

Fidget, fidget, fidget some more.  "Let's change seats" hubby says.  I don't want to have to get used to a new seat in this crowded theater. He "suggests" changing seats 3 more times while I fidget.

I settle down a bit and decide to use the fabric of my cowl-neck-dress to cover my nose and mouth. OMG, does that bad breath belong to ME? I check to make sure no one else is breathing into my cocoon... nope, it's me.  Why didn't anyone tell me? Why didn't hubby tell me?

Now I have to choose... which is worse? HER perfume or MY breath?

After determining that I would get used to her perfume much faster than I would to my breath I relaxed and enjoyed the show.  Meh movie. Action, some story, that cute guy from that other movie. But nice to watch a movie in a theater.

We get home at about 12:30.  I'm probably asleep by 1:30. Wake up at 10:00am...

Look at those bags and bloodshot eyes!

I feel like a truck ran over me. Like I had been drinking copious amounts of alcohol.  I'd had nothing to drink, no tire tracks across my body...  I'm just too old to go to a late night movie.  I'll have to remember to dump the kids with Gorgeous in-time for a 5:00pm movie next time. Bwahahahaha.

Gift Cards Haiku

Christmas winter cards

gifts of love from our loved ones

burn holes in our pockets

Hubby and the girlies went to spend some gift cards. They hit up Barnes & Noble and ToysRUs... I asked them to take some fun goofy pictures.

They forgot.  So I have two photos to work with... thanks!

Siobain picked up a James Patterson graphic novel at B&N.

Caitlin picked up a PopTropica toy from ToysRUs.

The photos were taken by Siobain on her new iPod Touch with Instagram... so that's kinda fun and different... which is the only thing saving them from trouble.  I ask one small thing... :)

Home Invader

Ug.  When am I going to be better?  I thought I had made so much progress.  I went to one of Michael's friends houses for a visit, I was able to go to the Medina Christmas gathering, and I was even able to go see Les Mis in a huge crowd. I couldn't go to the mall last Friday... but it's the MALL on the eve of Christmas EVE... it would just be crazy!

Tonight when hubby told me that we had electricians at the house I had a major anxiety attack.  Can't come home until they are gone.  No, not even if I just stay in my room.  I know it doesn't make sense.

So I did a quick drive by to pick up the girls - I don't think I stopped the car... I just slowed it down a little so they could get in. And we went off to the book store.

Why can I go to the bookstore?  Why can I go to CVS today but not last Tuesday?  Why am I fine one minute and paralyzed the next?  I don't know.  I really don't know why my "psycho" is inconsistent... but it is what it is. Thank God I have Vera working with me. Baby steps, I am so much better now than I was 8 months ago and I'll keep getting better.

Blah, blah, blah, me, me. me.

Caitlin really wanted a shirt from Les Mis... so we got this one that she can sleep in.

Yes, her smile is forced. Yes, she is wearing hubby's coat.  It's cold in the house and she was not in the mood to take picture.  With this fake smile on her face she is saying through her teeth "Just one picture mommy. Please. Just one. I am smiling.  I'm cold."... all without moving her lips.

I am a pain in the a$$ to me children.  They don't know yet that my photo a day project is going to extend into next year. bwahahahahahahahahaha.

White Knuckled

Hubby had to attend an all day training class today so I left work early to pick the girlies up. Ummmmm....

Caitlin's school should be a no-brainer because, between the two girlies, we've been attending for 7 years.  But today I was able to make a fool of myself anyway.  It was hi-larious if I do say so myself!

Because I always mess up in the drive-through pick up lane I decided to park and walk to retrieve Caitlin.  Unfortunately all the parking spaces are parallel spots... and the only on left was on the very curve of the U shaped driveway.

After 2 minutes of driving forward and backward I looked over to to my right, the pick up lane, to see a man in a white truck laughing at me.  He rolled down his driver side window and I rolled down my passenger side window....

"Pull forward, more, more, more, stop!
Now turn your wheel left reverse, more...
now wheel to the right and reverse, more, more, stop!
Now pull your wheel sharp left and pull forward... stop!
Good Job!"

LOL! It was so funny!  With a wave of thanks I hopped out of the car and ran into Shona and Dawn, who are adorable and fantastic and always good for a laugh! Caitlin was full of energy and the whole fiasco put me in a light hearted mood.

But then...

... I picked Honey up at the Middle School for the first time ever.  Even Surrounded by 500 12 to 14-year-olds, an incredibly obnoxious age, the most obnoxious people around were the adult drivers... 

This photo, taken in my driveway, was a re-enactment of my road rage... photo bombed by my youngest girlie... we love a good photo bomb in our family :)

The Devil in Me

I'm listening to The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty, performed by the author.  I've never read it before but have seen the movie several times. It is a frightening movie... and the book is just as frightening... I'm four hours into the 12 and expect the book to exceed the fright of the movie.

He has a wonderful way with words and his performance is amazing.  There have been several lines worthy of writing and keeping. Someone told me Blatty was a stage actor and it is easy to see.  I assume his intimacy with the story lends an even better performance.

My husband gave my sister the book as a Christmas present the first year of our marriage. She refused to let it in her house. I don't blame her. I listen in the car when I drive, usually to and from work, two hours a day.  In the daylight.

Tonight I listened on the way back from Arlington, in the dark.  A different experience.  Closed in the darkness of night, in the car... I actually got a little nervous that hands would grab me from under my seat.

Silly of me. I laugh at myself.  But I do believe in the devil.  I believe in God.

I love my therapist and that she helps me with my faith as well as with all the other issues I'm struggling with. That following God is the way out of my struggles.  Faith in him because He is strong. Struggling to "fix" things on my own, without Him, is insulting and prideful.

My struggles are the devil turning me from God.  Does that sound kooky?  I may have thought so in the past.  But when Vera explained it, I believed. I've been raised Catholic, and I believe in the church, but it is a non-Catholic that is bringing me closer to God.  She respects my religion.  And I respect hers.

I was ashamed that I had not been active in the church. That I had not made time to incorporate mass as a regular part of our life.  I had not felt worthy of God or his help.  Vera laughed, not at me but with me somehow.  God will not turn me away, he was waiting for me to come to him. He wants to guide his children and I am worthy, He made me. He loves me. He shows the way.

When I can not handle what life has given me, no matter how small it may seem to others, I give it to God. He is strong. Stronger than my mind can imagine.  Worry about this for me God, I cannot handle this alone.

I ask Him to guide me in my decisions. Guide me from the grasps that the devil has on me. An exorcism I do not need, thanks be to God.  But the devil still tries to grab at me. With self doubts, self hatred, and inner turmoil... some specific in nature and some general. I'm working on these things.  With God and with Vera, who God has sent to help me.

I'm rambling... but this is what The Exorcist has made me think about. I've taken this picture, partly because 'tis the spooky time of year... and partly because there are still "demons" to fight within me.

I have faith in God.

And will follow Him to peace and glory.

Expelling the devils hold and my negative thoughts.

Because the Lord loves me, his child.

And His strength will bring me home.

I can feel the healing.

Even as I feel the struggle.

Keeping the good and cutting away the bad.

Keeping the core of me, my personality, but letting go of the hatred.

I'm a long way from home but know my destination.

I am not "born again" but understand the sentiment.

The peace and exhilaration of feeling Christ in my life.

He has been there and I am close to him again.

I have always believed but now am awakened and worthy.

Some days...

...you just go back to bed.

Woke up this morning on time!

Girlies were cooperative and we are ready to leave the house at 6:05!

Grab my phone.

Grab my bag.

Grab my...

Where are my keys? Not in all the "usual" places. Not in all the "unusual" places. I'm actually breaking into a sweat look for these damn keys.

Asked the girlies to help me find my keys... but, let's face it, unless the keys jumped up and bit them on the nose my girlies would not find them.

Have removed every item from my bag.  They really are not in there. Called the hubby to see if he saw them before he left... he started lecturing me on putting them in the right place blah blah blah blah... so I had to let him go.

I went and looked in the window of the car. Shiiiiiiiiiiiit. There they are. Safely locked in my car.

Called hubby back and asked him if he knew where the spare key was.  Two keys in the drawer. YAY!... both to the other car. So beaten down.  Working up a new sweat looking for the spare key.

Called hubby back... told him I couldn't find the spare, was going to have to take a vacation day, AND was going to have to go have keys made when he gets home. He says "no, you can't just make keys whenever... blah blah blah blah blah" more lecturing... so I had to let him go.

Texted the sitter that the girlies weren't coming.

E-mailed the office that I couldn't make it in.

E-mailed my counselor that I wasn't going to make my appointment.

All by 6:45 AM.

I was overwhelmed, feeling stupid, mad at Michael for lecturing me when I was down, mad at myself that I had to "waste" a vacation day... and I crashed.

Woke up at noon with a killer migraine.

Hubby got home.  Apologized. He had the spare keys in his glove box. He could see from the keys in the car that this was a total accident and not me being absent minded. He'll rub my head to help my migraine.

Still have my migraine... but now I also have my keys.  So I'll be able to make it to work tomorrow. In retrospect... I wish I had said "well, since I gotta take a vacation day, what can we do that is super fun!?"

Lesson Learned:

9) If you are taking a vacation day (for whatever reason) enjoy it as much as possible... or you'll regret it at 8:30 pm.

***

The Other Woman

Kitty l-o-v-e-s hubby!

And doesn't think she should have to share.

Look at her giving me the evil eye.

If I were a cartoon...

Here are some of the captions from today... I'll just give you my lines...

"You can't wear that.".... "Because it doesn't fit."

"I'm not playing the either/or game."... "Seriously."

"Brush your teeth."... "Did you brush your teeth?"... "Please go brush your teeth."

"I'm ready to leave."... "Girls, it's time to go."... "I'm leaving."

"No."... "Because I said no."... "You really want to go there?"

"Stop making that noise."..."Stop making that noise."... 

"I don't care if it is a different noise. Stop making all noise."

"Get off the cart."... "Well, daddy shouldn't let you."

"Does if fit comfortably?"... "You have to say 'yes' or 'no'."... "Will you WEAR it?"

"Pick a cereal"..."no"... "no"... "no to ALL the sugar cereals."

"Honey, return this cart"... "no, you stay here"... "because I don't trust you two."

"Because I said so."

"No more talking."... "A question is talking."... "Only if you are about to die."

Shove this up your...

I was told that I "must have a horse-shoe shoved up my ass, you're just that lucky... no offense."

Here is a picture of a rainbow umbrella.  Currently, it feels like "someone" shoved this "up my ass" and opened it.

Dear "someone", it's not raining in my ass.

photo stolen from someone innocent

Lessons Learned:

7) Saying "up your ass" is not ladylike.

8) I should not post when angry, irritated, depressed, or paranoid.

Freebee 5

I am consumed by hate right now. So instead of trying to represent today, I am going to go back to a pic of Caitlin... who is smart, and kind, and beautiful.

Peace be with you. And also with me.

The 10th Level of Hell

Bluebonnets: Texas State Flower aka 10th level of HELL

Got a call from my sista Sarah this morning, always happy to hear from her.

(the following is approximately how the conversation went)
Sarah: We want to go take bluebonnet pictures today, it's pretty out.
Me: Ok, have fun.
Sarah: You are coming with us, right? Doziers are going too.
Me: Mmmm... not so much into the whole bluebonnet thing.
Sarah: Well then let the girls go with us.
Me: Fine, what time are we leaving?

My girlies and I went. We photo-ed. We made a pact never to do it again.

It is a beautiful day.

We drove for 90 minutes.

The drive was very scenic.

I start to feel optimistic.

The fields are painted with flowers.

This wind is ... 100 miles per hour.

We. Are. In. Bluebonnet. Hell.

BLUEBONNET PHOTOS

"Are we allowed to go near them?"

"Are we trespassing?"

"Isn't it against the law to step on them?"

"I don't want to be arrested."

"There are bugs out here."

It is NOT against the law to pick bluebonnets.

***

This is my favorite photo because my girlies are laughing.

***

This is probably the best one of them together.

Although at this point they are mis-er-a-ble.

We know at this point that this is NOT OUR THING.

***

This is the fake smile, I believe my directions were "SMILE DAMN IT."

***

I do love this one of Siobain with the girlies in the background.

She is not happy but she is beautiful.

***

My girlies, beaten down, begging to go back to the car.

I couldn't agree with them more.

***

The Doziers and Sebastians seems to have no bluebonnet issues.

It must be a Medina thing.

***

Caitlin did find true love in the hills of bluebonnets.

***

I love how Caitlin's hair and Mr. Ed's mane are blowing in the wind.

***

I kid about the 10th level of hell, but not about our pact to never, ever, ever do this again. On a positive note, me and my girlies have really bonded over our mutual distaste of this activity. The car ride home was rather amusing.  We played "would you rather take pictures in bluebonnets or (fill in the blank.)"

Other than the bluebonnet torture it was a great time.

Traitor

Feeling worse tonight. Fever up again. Waiting for Care Now to call.

"Can you go take a picture of the neighbor's tree for me?" I ask of my hubby because I have a fever and don't want to get up except to go to the restroom. (Also, tree is in full bloom and lovely.)

"No, we should take a picture of you. This is your 'living' blog and the flu is what you are living now." Says the traitor.

Unfortunately I have no energy to fight him, even in my crabby crabby mood. So here I am, wearing my zebra glasses.

Dorchadas Mug Shot

I'm doing a social experiment on my own child...

My 11 year old, soon to turn 12, is already exhibiting symptoms of adolescence. I've taken a mug shot of this "Hyde" so that I can recognize her instantly when she takes over my smart, kind, beautiful, warm, funny, affectionate girlie.

We've decided to call her... Dorchadas, Gaelic for "in the dark"...

The experiment... will showing this photo to Dorchadas bring back my angel Siobain?

Current drama? Yes, you are going to be taking all Pre-AP classes next year. Sorry, go complain to someone who doesn't know how smart and hard working you are.

Kathleen, Come on down!

It's time to play THE PRICE IS RIGHT!

Bob: Caitlin, can you show our contestant what they are bidding on...

Rod: It's a brand new DISHWASHER!

Crowd screams, contestants oooh and aaaah. They look back at their friends for guesstimates.

Bob: Let's hear more about this product before bidding begins.

Rod: Bob, this state of the art dishwasher will be delivered to your home after 4 tries! The first attempt will be delayed because of the biggest ice storm ever; the second attempt will be delayed because they'll come when you're not home; the third delivery attempt the dishwasher will be severely damaged; but on the 4th attempt we will be able to leave the dishwasher in your kitchen.

Unfortunately, the whacked out people who owned your house before you will have messed up your pipes so badly that our professional installers will NOT be able to install this BRAND NEW DISHWASHER and it will have to sit useless in the middle of your kitchen until you can get a plumber in to fix your sh!t.

Bob: Um, thank you Rod... Kathleen, what would you like to start the bidding at?

Pedestrian

¹pe·des·tri·an

adj \pə-ˈdes-trē-ən\

1

: commonplace, unimaginative

2

a : going or performed on footb : of, relating to, or designed for walking

Example: I had to deal with a pedestrian person today.

(You can guess which definition applies.)

TMI Warning - Diamond in the... Rough

Official TMI Warning, do not read on unless you want to know way too much about my day.

3

2

1

Scene: I was sitting in the ladies room, yes on the toilet.

Action: Generally, I was doing what people do in the restroom*, I don't know what I was thinking about before this moment... or what I normally think about when in the ladies room... but I do know that all thought stopped completely when I glanced down...

...and saw a diamond in the crotch of my panties.

I have to admit, it gave me a start to see something sparkle back at me... and yet, this is by no means the most exciting nor most startling thing to happen to me in the ladies room.

Naturally, I have taken a picture of the diamond in question:

Some thoughts:

- Note that I did not have the camera in the bathroom with me.

- Nor would I have taken a picture if I had had the camera with me.

- Clearly the diamond fell out of my new bracelet when I, ya know, sat down.

- OR.... Am I such a ROCK Star that when under extreme stress and pressure, as I was today, I am able to turn sh*t into diamonds... hmmmm.

*Since I'm "in the bathroom" topically I thought I could vent a moment about the ladies bathroom. In my opinion it is for bodily functions, washing your hands, and possibly to look at the mirror to see if you sat in something. It is NOT for gossiping, talking on the phone, sleeping, or reading (ok, some would argue that one but keep it at home.)