Shove this up your...

I was told that I "must have a horse-shoe shoved up my ass, you're just that lucky... no offense."

Here is a picture of a rainbow umbrella.  Currently, it feels like "someone" shoved this "up my ass" and opened it.

Dear "someone", it's not raining in my ass.

photo stolen from someone innocent

Lessons Learned:

7) Saying "up your ass" is not ladylike.

8) I should not post when angry, irritated, depressed, or paranoid.

Hubby Loves Me

He left a love note, the remote, and my favorite PJs on fresh clean sheets. 

I'm living high.

Knock, Knock... Who's There?

NO ONE.

This brain is FRIED after a 16 hours at work!

I will regret these in the morning...

Who loves ya baby?

Belle and MY Princess

Today we celebrated Caitlin's 8th birthday.  She says she had a "perfect day."

We met the cousins and Gorgeous and Sarah and Peter at Jason's Deli for the big celebration. We had so much fun and I have the pictures to prove it... unfortunately I forgot to get my card reader back from Karen and can't get my photos off my camera... so there will be a bonus post tomorrow :)

Here's a picture of my 8 (EIGHT - holy guacamole) year old princess with her favorite of all the princesses, Belle.

BTW, Caitlin really wanted the store-bought Harry Potter cake even though cakes are my hobby... I was a little (very little) relieved because I had NO time to make a cake this week.  BUT... I am secretly happy to report that my cakes taste WAY better. :)

Interview on the Eve of 8

My baby turns 8 tomorrow... Here is her very last picture at age 7...

I decided an interview was called for...

What do you think is funny?
Daddy, he makes funny jokes. Like, um, makes fun of Siobain but it makes us laugh.

Why do you like being a kid?
Because it's fun. What? It is!

One word to describe yourself?
Crazy

If you could be an animal...?
A polar bear. It's snugly and warm.

What's your favorite thing to do with your school friends?
Play tag.

What do you LOVE about Siobain?
She's fun and funny.  I'm serious.

What is the nicest thing you've done for somebody?
Have I ever done something nice for you?... I'm sure something...

What do you think you'll be doing 10 years from now?
Math. And Science. And Social Studies. And TAKS tests.

What makes a person good looking?
By being pretty.

What's the grossest thing you can think of?
Eating poo and pee for, umm breakfast.

How old is Mommy?
34... no, 35

How old is Daddy?
45

How old is Gorgeous?
62

What does Mommy do for a living?
You take pictures of Boy Scouts? I think?

What does Daddy do for a living?
He's a cop at the airport.

What do you want to be when you grow up?
I don't know, I haven't decided yet. But maybe be an artist, be a principle, or be a toy maker.

Favorite...
Color: Green
Subject: PE... then Art... then Math
Movie: Beauty and the Beast
TV Show: Wizards of Waverly Place
Book: Beauty and the Beast
Sport: Tag
Friend: Nevaeh and Kyla
Food: Strawberries
Restaurant: Chick-fil-e
Place: Target

Freebee 5

I am consumed by hate right now. So instead of trying to represent today, I am going to go back to a pic of Caitlin... who is smart, and kind, and beautiful.

Peace be with you. And also with me.

The Egg Dance

Had a wonderful time celebrating Easter with all the girlies, big and small, and all the boys, especially Uncle Eddie.

Gorgeous out-did herself, but she always does. First time I've had bagel and lox, very yummy, especially with the capers.

Made the girlies take pictures before the hunt.  My little Kate fits perfectly in a basket!

photo by Jason

Siobain was restricted to finding eggs that were NOT on the ground.  I can't believe how grown up she is.  She had no time for anyone today, my bookworm kept her nose between the covers of a Harry Potter book all day, with an exception for the hunt.

photo by Jason

After the hunt we entertained each other in the living room.  Eleanor, who has just been cast in a real-live production of Sound of Music, sang several songs for us.  Mia must be her understudy, because she knew every song also.  Wish I had video to share, it was wonderful!

Uncle Eddie made my day with his sly video capture of what I will remember as "The Egg Dance."  I don't know if you've seen my mad-dancing-skills, but Siobain's are pretty good too.

Video by Uncle Eddie

And here is her hubby with some major balloon smacking skills... tehehehehe.

Video by Uncle Eddie

Seed of Life

We prepared tomorrow's pre-breakfast...

Always our most colorful breakfast of the year. Adopted from the pagans "Eggs... are considered the "seed of life" and so they are symbolic of the resurrection of Jesus Christ."

I still don't "get" the Easter Bunny... but I sure do remember the day he knocked on our door on Easter Morning to take our eggs and hide them. My parent's were brills at keeping the fun alive.

Time Flies

Had a wonderful day with friends. Great time in a creative environment.  Only a few work calls... I kept them down to a minimum because Karen kept giving me the evil eye.

The first 4 hours flew by re-imagining my office clock.  I'm going with a green color scheme with pink and brown accents in my office.  The clock fits in perfectly now. I'm also going to slip-cover the back of my office chair.  So excited.

It's ironic that Karen is displaying the end product... since she and the other ladies had major timing issues this morning.  "It opens at 9:00." - "What time are you getting there? Get there as close to 9:00 as possible." - "I think I'll get there at 8:45 so I can get started as soon as they open."

I arrived at 9:00... and we all crowded into "The Little Blue House" for our day of scrapping... It was a bit awkward since they don't open till 10:00.  Te he.

So, the major drama at this scrapping event, there is always drama... a penis. Not a real one.  Well, yes, it is a real one... but I mean, not a "live-in-person" one.  Anyway, said penis was texted to one of the ladies (I honestly don't know who) and a phone was passed around.

Let. me. tell. you. something. It is startling to be passed an electronic visual of a penis when not expecting it... mmmm, actually I think it's startling even if you ARE expecting it. But this could due to the fact that I don't run around with a "penis picture wielding" crowd... perhaps you become immune?

It's girls-gone-wild afternoon scrapbooking.  No harm-no foul.

Except this one woman INSISTED on seeing the photo and then "acted" all offended.  I think she even looked at the photo twice... awkward. I'm pretty sure she would have looked a third time if she could of figured a moral outrage angle.

Anywho, she was entertaining... (also entertaining is the use of the word penis 5 times in this post.)

Back to moi.  I tried quilling for the first time today.  It is very fun. But not easy.  Here are the results of 3 hours labor...  A square apple and a blue bird... each the size of a quarter.  3 hours, not kidding.

I think my first attempts are pretty good.  I look forward to more quilling... Karen suggested that they might enjoy it if I started quilling in the office... apparently I concentrate so hard I stop talking.  There is a first for everything.

She loves me; she loves me not...

Big night tonight!  Siobain had her acting debut at school. SHE WAS FANTASTIC!  Look for a "bonus" post this weekend.  I don't have any of the photos or videos to post tonight.... so instead...

We will celebrate that fact that Little Miss Mia LOVED me today.  She even let me hold her.

I seriously don't think I have held her since she was an infant.  I've hugged her.  I've forced myself upon her.  But I haven't held her in my arms.

She even wanted to drive in the car with me!

Here she is in the "princess" chair on Siobain's set...

I was so drunk with the success of finally winning her love that I promised to take her to Disney World...  I'm not sure this hasn't been her master plan for the last two years...

It's a breakfast, it's a bribe... it's A DONUT!

I have no shame... sometimes... It's just easier to say "donut." The Pavlovian response gets my girlies moving every time...

Gas, Sweat, and Tears

Had a busy day today.

Needed gas on the way to work... but was in a hurry, so it could wait.

3 back to back am meetings then to first Dr. appointment.

Needed gas on the way... but last meeting ran late, so it had to wait.

Doctor appointment was very enlightening, learned the "tap process."  Cried many tears. Healthy. Cleansing. Then to offsite production meeting.

Needed gas on the way... but traffic was bad and I'm running late, so it had to wait.

Very productive production meeting at Chick-fil-e, cause that's how I roll. Then back to the office to check mail/phone.

Needed gas on the way... but it's just across the street, so it could wait.

Put out three fires, checked phone and email. Then headed out to last doctor's appointment.

Needed gas on the way... Ran. Out. Of. Gas... so not worth the wait. 

Hotter than hell today at 3:00 pm, at this point, I am now very very very sweaty.

Here is a pic of me, from Taco Bell, with my car (out of gas) across the street in a church parking lot. I was so close to a middle of the street situation.

Jesus loves me, YES HE DOES!!!

Called hubby to (apologize) and then ask him to come "fix" the car.

Called sister Sarah to ask her to pick me up and take me to my appointment.

She arrives with her girlies, here is our conversation (approx):

Me "Hey girlies!"(to E and M)
Sarah "So, what's the plan"
Me "You drop me at my Dr. and Michael will come put gas in the car."
Sarah "We've got time, let's just do it."
Me "Mmmmm... it's hot out and from past experience it is a LOT harder than it looks."
Sarah "Put your big girl panties on"

So we went to the gas station. There was a lovely man (he has 5 sisters) who did everything, including follow us back to my car. (I stand by my statement that those little plastic gas cans require a PHD.)

Lessons Learned
4) The car really DOES need gas to run, it's not a myth.
5) Jesus loves me, YES HE DOES!!!
6) There are some awesome people in the world.

Dear Diary,

My day in 5 parts.

Part 1

Alarm Clocks

I have a problem with alarms.  Well, and the clocks.  I can not seem to wake up.  I've gone through 3 alarm clocks in the last 6 months. Currently I am using my daughter's phone, which has 5 programmable times... I use all of them. And on days I have a really important meeting, I make hubby call me.

Two days a week this drives my husband nuts.  The two days he gets to sleep past 3:00 am and he's got my 5 alarms going off.

Him "Just get up when the alarm goes off!"
Me "I don't hear the alarm!"
Him "Yes you do!"

Today was one of his days off.  I tried.  I really really did.

Here is the worst part.  That bastard is sooooo thoughtful when he gets up at 3:00 in the morning.  I NEVER HEAR HIM.  He waits until he gets into the bathroom before turning on the light.  He turns off the light before leaving the bathroom. He quietly slips out of the bedroom AND fixes the girls lunches before he leaves. Sometimes I hate him for being so "morning routine" perfect.

note: the term bastard is used affectionately (this time.)

Part 2

Driving

I drive 2 hours each day.  Audio books are good.  I downloaded some David Sedaris audio books recently.  I thought I had read/listened to all of his books and I would just be re-listening for enjoyment.

Stop. The. Press. Apparently I have NOT read/heard Dress Your Family In Corduroy and Denim. It's like finding out that there really IS a santa.

David is, well, THE funniest man on the planet.  He can make me laugh so hard I'll wet my pants while going 60 miles per hour down HW 114 and just open the windows to let the pee air dry. I like to pretend David is in the car with me.  That he is talking just to me.  That we are close. That sometimes he pulls out the little notebook he keeps in his breast pocket to write a little funny moment about me and my life. Fodder for his next best selling book.  Or maybe, just for a quick story on NPR. I feel his gay presence so deeply that I may as well be driving in the HOV lane.

Plus, if DAVID were sharing my most awkward moments in his witty, funny, clever, amusing way... well then, they would be SO WORTH IT!

Part 3

Work

I work in production.
I work with men.
I work with men in production.

Really, this should be enough said... but it gets better.

Add WATER.

That's right folks. Today we combined indoor electricity and water.  Not just a cup or bottle of water... but a bucket of water... that had to be thrown... at a person... sitting in the middle of all the lights.

I am so mad at myself that I did not bring Honey's flipcam to work today.  I would have just done a time lapse and added some circus music.

I kid... kind of.

Everything worked out great.  The magazine will have a great online video.  The men were adorable, and really, indispensable... and they unintentionally entertained me.  The unintentional entertainment is usually the best kind (probably because I'm a little evil.)

Part 4

Home Coming

My handsome boy always greets me so happily at the door at the end of each day.  Usually I am ignored by everyone else.

I started mentioning to Spartacus that I was "soooo happy someone loved me enough to greet me at the door"... Best passive/aggressive statement I've ever uttered.

There is now a four-way race to greet me every day.  Caitlin is usually fastest, shouting "I love her most!"  Really, I like to encourage this kind of competition.

Spartacus also wanted to show me his homework, it was a treasure hunt:

Part 5

Amazing Race

Ummmm.... I. Love. Amazing. Race. Hubby and I were finally able to watch it tonight. Wish I had a transcript of yesterday's show because it was f to the u to the n to the n to the y.

Vixen and Kent... have to go. Although, their continued emotional deterioration is highly amusing... and FINALLY Vixen told Kent to stop acting like a girl... it's tearing me up.  Okay, I want them to stay but only for amusement.

LaKisha and Jennifer... I wish them no ill. They generally fly under the emotional/drama radar. Totally works to their advantage.  But not as amusing for me.

Zev and Justin... I was surprised by my joy at their 1st place ranking this episode.  I think I was happy because they were so surprised and happy... and Phil was so adorable when they told them.  Phil can really color my response.

Flight Time and Big Easy... how can one not like them?  They're like great big lumbering giants with great senses of humor.  Must be in the finale!

Gary and Mallory... I HATE to admit it, but this beauty queen bumpkin has won me over.  I am a fan.  I feel bad that they were lead astray with the eating detour... but really, why did any of the teams attempt this? Also would like to see them in the finale.

Jet and Cord... My Cowboys... My all time favorite team.  "Did my heart love till now?" Oh Shakespeare, I think not.  My cowboys must WIN.  Must must must.

To recap: Cowboys (WIN); Beauty Queen (finale); Globe T's (finale)

**********
K

At the Car Wash

At the car wash, yeah

me and the girlies at the car wash, yeah

four bucks, wheels on tracks

flower scented car wax

bird poo, french fry

dirt and grime say goodbye

at the car wash, yeah

me and my girlies at the car wash, yeah

green light, press the gas

now we cruise with sparkling glass

last thing, vacuum

smell as good as perfume

At the car wash, yeah!!!!!!!

"I've been looking for that!" - Caitlin

Honey & The Gnome

Hubby took the girlies to the Art show.  I could not join them because... I don't like strangers rubbing against me. A chill just went up my spine as I wrote that. I really don't like crowds.

I am jealous that they took the train.  I've really been wanting to do that.  My heart warms that my husband made them do the incredibly corny "hitching a ride" picture that I would have made them do if I was there.  Caitlin has just pointed out to me the Hello Kitty also has her thumb up.

photo by hubby

I love this photo because it has my hubby in it, and he rarely allows photos.  Also, apparently Caitlin turned into an elf on the train. Great. This would have been one of the things I would have said "no" to.

photo by hubby

I think this is about the time they were given funnel cakes and ice cream...

photo by hubby

After a train ride and treats the rest of the trip was a bust.  Apparently the crowds (shiver) were so large the girlies didn't get to see anything but the midsection of other people. Squishing in on my poor innocent children.  Imagine.  I hate crowds from a regular height.  Can you imagine the pushing, shuffling, touching, rubbing, stench... from a small persons height.  No cool.  I believe that is when my impish elf turned into a grumpy gnome... and said it was time to go HOME.

 photo by hubby

Wind

Apparently Wind is a recycler.  Taking someone else's newspaper and moving it to my backyard.

At least today's recycled material landed in our backyard.  A couple of days ago Wind recycled a grocery bag into our tree.  Way up high. A blight in the sky.

Goofy Girlies & Head Holes

 My girlies in all their goofy glory.

photo by hubby

Aren't my girlies adorable? Isn't Siobain's drama teacher fantastic for throwing an awards party for the kids? We should have more happy children and good teachers in the world.

And more head holes.  You never really see enough head holes. Here are some I have found that people should think about having around for my entertainment.

From dinorentosstudios.com, this Mona Lisa is a STEEL for only 9.99!  

I might have to order it.

and from www.shindigz.com... omg, I might have a new addiction...

I know, you can do all this on a computer now.  But what fun is that?  There is no awkward twisting to get your face in the hole... no possibility of losing balance and taking the whole thing down. 

Coupons

Are the new "black"; the new "it"; the new "big thing"... apparently.

After a highly amusing/diarrhea moment/awkward conversation with an executive at my place of employment, witnessed by... too many people... I was invited to lunch for a debrief.

After the "sports highlights" of my earlier encounter I was able to watch the coupon clippers in their natural habitat.

Fascinating.  And apparently lucrative.

Karen and Amy are two professional coupon athletes at work.  I've learned that there is a television show, strategies, and even important store personnel selection in the art of couponing.

Here is my amused/amazed/intrigued, can't-look-away state during this experience.

photo by Karen

This is what I am thinking, "this looks like a lot of work. but they seem to be enjoying this activity. there seems to be a competition on money saving expeditions. i feel compelled to compete and win..."

So, I think this will become a new hobby.  I must learn the art of couponing...

I do not, however, think I will clip coupons in the wind.  Although it does combine scissors and running... making couponing even more exciting.

Sliced Bread

Caitlin went on a field trip today to the Mrs. Baird's Bread Factory.  Hubby was able to go with her so we have some fun photos.

Caitlin said her favorite part was "we had bread right out of the oven that wasn't cut yet and they put butter on it!"

So, the best thing since sliced bread is... unsliced bread...

photo by hubby

Her 2nd favorite part was playing in the park.

Her 3rd favorite part was the tour of the factory.

Her 4th favorite part was lunch.

Her 5th favorite part was the bus ride.

And her "not favorite part" was leaving school. (Since hubby went on the field trip they got to leave as soon as they returned to school... all the other kids "got" to stay and watch a movie.)

Also, she tells me that everyone one really liked daddy because he played tag with them (not many mom's do that on the field trips...) 

Hubby said "That poor tour guide looked BEATEN DOWN."

2nd graders rock!

Light and Lunch

Part 1 - Light

I arrived at work at 4:45 AM this morning.  It was that, or come in on Sunday… And clearly I didn't make it in on Sunday.

The building lights don't turn on until 6:00am, fortunately I have this really nifty Gorillatorch.  It's magnetic, dims, and twists. LOVE IT.

This is not an exciting photo, but it's my office cubicle... the most exciting thing IS the Gorillatroch light... my computer is really awesome too... and I have some really cool props for shoots... but the newest coolest item is the Gorillatorch. (Great gift for anyone!)

Part 2 - Lunch

Boston Market has gone "upscale" and now brings the food to you on a plate with silverware, not plastic. Great conversation. Good food. Good time.

I excused myself in the most lady-like fashion to go to the powder room.

I did my business… Which would be no one else's business if the toilets at the La-te-da Boston Market were working.

Have you ever heard a car trying to turn over but just not clicking?  It's kinda a grrrrr, grrrrr, grrrrr mechanical noise.  Well, this was the noise the toilet was making while I was trying to flush.  


So, I'm standing next to a toilet, filled with "none of your business," in a panic because not only does it LOOK like my "business" is not going to disappear but it SOUNDS like whole toilet is going to implode.

When in this situation I find there is only one logical course of action. Run.

Rushed back to the table and said "WE GOT TO GO NOW!"

I don't know if the ladies just know me well, or if I just had a look on my face… But these two know when to hit the ground running.

Amp'd Up

Hubby practiced with a buddy today.  It's always fun to have live music in the house.

I had some anxiety today and the THUMP thump thump of the amplifier... amplified it :)

Fortunately, my super sly Caitlin took super secret pictures for me... she came back with some that were half wall... apparently she tried just peaking around the hall entry with the camera.

photo by Caitlin

It told her she was VERY sneaky, but she could be less sneaky to get a picture of daddy. I think he was on to her...

photo by Caitlin

One of his groupies partied a little too hard. I don't know if he danced too long, if he hit the H2O too hard, or if he over indulged in treats... but he was passed-out right next to the amplifier, tired as a dog.

photo by Caitlin

Popliar (Caitlin Speak)

Caitlin has been grounded from computer, tv/movies and wii for a week.

Her grounding ended today.

AGkidzone.com had a major increase in traffic today.

Strawberry Shortcake is very popliar (C-speak) in our house.

***

At 37 is seems like Strawberry Shortcake has been around forever... well, for me it has. She was "born" a few short years after I was as an America Greetings greeting card character... soon turned into a franchise for all little girls to beg their parents to spend money buying trinkets and dolls and...

The money train continues today.

So for all you hoarders, there is a new market for Shortcake, Care bears, and Smurfs.

The central market appears to be in the living room at the Medina's.

I Smell Blood!

My buddy Keith, former SWAT officer, can kick bad guy ass... but to us he's a softy...

Until TODAY!

Keith called me over to his office to see his remote control tanks, I'm all about robots/remote control toys lately.  Fortunately that project will be over in a week.

Anyway.  I head on over and think "oh cool, there's two of them."

My sweet Keith shows me how they work.

Then "SWAT" Keith comes out and sends VOLTS of electric shock to my remote! Not expecting this, I scream and launch the remote across his office.

What kind of deranged toy is this? What kind of deranged person would do this to someone?

I could not wait to find victims!  I'd bring my prey in to play a round with Keith... I would wait... and wait... and then I would say "GET THEM!" and my sweet Keith would send electric shocks.

I LOVE THIS TOY!

So, it took me forever to find on-line.  And now I know why the remotes have wrist bands... they are not cheap and I would have felt horrible if I had broken his torture toy... although he is the one who shocked me.

Anywho, Shocking Tank Toy is especially amusing because of the last part of the description:

Not suitable for persons under the age of 14. Do not use if you suffer from epilepsy or any similar or related illness. This is a novelty gift and is not intended to be used as a toy. Emits electrical shock.   

May interfere with electrical devices such as pacemakers. 

Shockingfun.com is a seller of this novelty game only and we can assume no responsibility for any damage from its use to life or property. That said, it probably shouldn't be played with in the bath tub.

This is on my Santa list.

Freebee 4

This photo hangs in my bedroom.  All kissable cheeks, satin, and tulle.

My girlies, circa 2005.  

Hot Dog!

I was going to attempt to be clever on this post... But I am just too tired.  I need a mental Vacay tonight.

And yes, I ate this for dinner :)

R.I.P

Here lay the ashes of Kathleen's dignity.

A moment of silence please.

**********************

What a beautiful day. And so fun. We were out location scouting again.  Found the PERFECT location for our mountain biking shot.  Unfortunately... it was a mile walk to get to the location.  It would have been such a beautiful walk if I had been able to go at my own pace... again, unfortunately, I was with a co-worker who was, apparently, trying to earn the gold medal in speed walking.

I tried to keep up.  I tried to quietly huff and puff.  I let them get a little ahead of me.  In the nice chilly air my hot huffs gave of clouds of moisture... steaming up my glasses and giving me this view:

It's a nice fog on my glasses... but I finally had to call "uncle"... after a little ribbing and a slower pace we made it to the off-road bike trail. (Thank GOD)

It. Is. Perfect.  The "natural" dips and ramps were so steep and the area is very cinematic. We needed to climb one of the trail inclines in order to fully scout the location... when I say steep I mean STEEP, at least 60 degree  angle.

Visual Aid From TutorVista.Com

Only Imagine the line between point A and point C covered in slippery mud.

When I was half way up I realized I had made a horrible error in judgement... There were not enough foot/hand holds for me to continue climbing without the PROBABLE chance of doing a belly slide to the bottom.  Which would have been very humorous but also very muddy.

After careful evaluation, and applying my amazing skills of problem solving, I was able to make it to the top without the adventure of a mud slide. And that adventure would only have been worth it if there was a photo opportunity... unfortunately my camera battery had died.

Once back at the office I had to attend to all of the daily items that had piled up.  I shared my loss of dignity with my friend Karen... who said that I should "stop and smell the roses"... which she happened to have on her desk. I did.

photo by Karen

And, like a Phoenix, my dignity was reborn from ashes 

and I will start a new day with my dignity reborn and ready to live again.

(okay, you can kill me now for the sappiness of the last sentence.)